1. NONE OF US WANT TO GET SICK. Yeah, that's selfish. That's also a #healthy #boundary. Pun intended. We interact with 12,000 people a year. That's a lot of our air we're sharing.

2. WE DON'T WANT YOU TO GET SICK. Truth. We're not really selfish. We're pretty #ethically minded. We feel responsible for keeping you #safe while you are with us.

3. YOU DON'T WANT TO GET SICK. No really. It sucks. I caught a slight cold a few weeks ago and thought I was dying. It's been so nice not getting every flu and cold, am I right?

4. YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT US ON THIS. My band name in Slutarded was Fight-y. Guess why? But seriously, you won't win. We pay the rent. It's our space. You're a guest. Isn't that legit #Sovereignty?

5. YOU LOOK UNDERDRESSED WITHOUT A MASK. Look around you. We're HOT. Masks are the new accessory. It says "Hey baby, I care about you, too." What's hotter than #consent culture?

6. SAGGING #SCARVES LOOK... LIKE EGG ON YOUR SWEATPANTS. I won't pretend I haven't almost waltzed into a shop with my bare ass face only to have to whip a decorative scarf over my gaping covid hole at the last minute, then dig through my pockets for a crumpled surgical mask that smells like.... not fresh. But at least don't show up like that on purpose.

7. WE THINK SCIENCE IS A FORM OF WITCHCRAFT AND WILL CATCH UP WITH HERBALISM SOMEDAY. We have science degrees. We're keen readers. We enjoy being smarty pants. We're critical thinkers in the classical sense. Science is a mode of inquiry we respect.

8. WE ARE INTO #NATURE, INCLUDING HOW OTHER CREATURES LIVE AND PROTECT THEIR KIN. Kidding aside, we have a firm respect for the autonomy of viruses. The more you know about #plants, the more you're like "wowza that fennel's a bitch!" And no self-respecting flower would fail to protect their kin by not stinking up the place for kilometres around in an effort to warn of a munching insect. Or #virus.

9. YOU'RE SHOPPING FOR A #CRYSTAL, #CANDLE OR #HERB TO WARD OFF #EVIL? Boy, do we have a practical #spell for you! Wearing a #mask is a great way to survive a #miasma... that was never caused by #witches, or Jews. You know that, right? It was germs. Like #viruses. Except it was probably bacterium then.

10. ... OR TO BOOST YOUR #IMMUNE SYSTEM? You know what your immune system would be so proud of you for? Avoiding the #COVID-19 virus in the first place by wearing a mask and letting your immune system get on with the task of recycling cancer cells. It's like giving your beloved free time to write the novel they've always dreamed about. Your immune system will love you all the more!

AND 11 since I'm going over the top:
IT'S THE #LAW.
Thank you for coming to my TTF Talk.